Some babies come by plane...

And now we're at 15 / This wait is hard...

2007-09-06T14:33:00.000+10:30

Fifteen months since our file went to China. Who would have thunk it? I certainly thought we would have been and returned by now, and would be getting ready for our first Christmas with Baby Girl.

This wait is hard.

I am finding it harder and harder to go to shopping centres again. When we were doing IVF it took all of my strength to go to the local shopping centre - as it was almost inevitable I would bump into an old school friend who would ask the dreaded question "so when are you two going to have children." When we moved (almost) interstate, not bumping into people at shopping centres was a great relief. The dread is no longer bumping into old school friends, but rather being an observer to 'happy families'.

My latest obsession (when I actually do go to a shopping centre) is looking at little boys, who have blondish, slightly curly hair and green/blue eyes, and wondering, if all had gone to plan and if we had a little boy, would he look like that? In my dreams of having children - the picture was never of me putting pig-tails in a little girl's hair. It was always of seeing Shane playing football with a little boy.

As the wait gets longer and longer for our first child, the old demons of failure, desperation and utter sadness also have time to haunt me again. I don't want to go back to that dark, dark place I was in during IVF, but occasionally I find myself so overwhelmed with grief. Grief for my lost dreams, Shane's lost dreams, our lost dreams.

I do think that (some) people assume that because we are now adopting, the pain, sadness and grief of years of infertility, IVF and pregnancy loss has magically disappeared. For me, not only has it not disappeared, I am still reminded, in some way, every single day of what we don't have, what we have lost, and what we so, so want. Today I couldn't buy the newspaper, as the headline story on the front page was "Triple the fun as city goes baby crazy" (which referred to a story of a woman giving birth to triplets). Who would have thought buying the Saturday paper could be so traumatic?

Don't get me wrong, we are both over the moon about eventually meeting our daughter who will be born half a world away - she is already the absolute love of our lives. And now we are on this path, know this is the way it was always meant to be. But that doesn't make the pain of loss any less.

This wait is hard...

So close... kinda!

2007-09-05T20:59:00.000+10:30

So we both have a long day at work, and Shane went up to the house site straight from work to jack-hammer some pier-holes for the shed, so by the time we both got home, we were not in the mood for cooking and decided to go to the pub for dinner (and a beer or two).

Now I've mentioned before - we live in a small Australian country town... the 'blink and you'll miss it' sized country town... and our pub is a typical Aussie country pub that's operated since 1872, and is full of great Aussie characters and great Aussie beer... and to this day still looks like this:

The great thing about living in a small country town is the 'bush-telegraph' - where stories of village life, and sometimes villagers themselves get passed along from one person to the next. Sometimes the Bush Telegraph can rival RQ... but not in this case.

So imagine our surprise when we got to the pub, to be told by one of the locals - our friend - LP - that the village had a very important visitor today...

None other than China's President - Hu Jintao was in our village. Seriously. Here. IN OUR VILLAGE. Too cool huh? Of course it was a stop off on his way to Sydney to participate in APEC (Asia Pacific Economic Cooperation).

Don't believe me? You can read about it here. Apparently he came to visit a working sheep station near the border of the ACT and NSW, where he watched a sheep dog demonstration at a nearby Bywong property. Then came and had lunch at 'Grazing' - our village's award winning restaurant.

Like I said... so close.... Kinda... It was just a nice feeling - even if by 6 (or probably 100) degrees of separation - there was - for an instance - a close connection to China - here at home.

A Splash of Colour

2007-08-29T20:24:00.000+10:30

It's been a while - having problems with Blogger again. What a pain in the butt.

Anyhoo - over the last week or so we have again seen some 'bigger' changes to the house - the outside has been painted, and the verandahs are taking shape. The tiling is just about complete inside, as is the painting, so really all is left is for the three bathrooms to be fitted out, kitchen put in, light fittings installed and flooring put in. And we're done. To be honest it has been fairly painless really. You hear horror stories of people building houses, but we haven't faced a major drama yet (well... if you don't include me changing the inside colour of the house from 'off white' to 'whisper white' while the painter was on his way to buy the paint)... but that's it really.

I have to say it has been nice having the house take up a lot of our thoughts and energy over last few months, it's been a great distraction from the adoption. But how will I be when we move in and I can see baby girls room just sitting there - empty? How many months will I have to look at an empty room? It will be the only room in the house to remain unfurnished - well until we know we are only a couple of months away from referral... which is the biggest question of all - when will that bloody happen?

We're getting there...

2007-08-12T08:52:00.000+10:30

I haven't posted too much about the house lately because the changes are now in the detail and can't really be seen on a photo... or just don't really look like much. A lot of what is happening now is on the inside of the house. All the electrical work and plumbing is complete, the reverse cycle airconditioning has been installed, and we have walls! Even since the pictures below were taken we now have most of the doors hung, and the architraves and skirting is on. The under tile heating in the bathrooms has been installed and the bathrooms have been wet-sealed ready for tiling. Outside the verandahs are ready to be poured, and the water tank base and walls have been poured. This week the bathrooms will start to be tiled and we should see the start of the verandahs, which once again will make a big difference to the look of the house.

So we're getting there. It's been about 4 months since the slab was poured, and we were delayed by about 3 weeks with the rain. So Speedy Gonzales Chris (the builder) has done a great job in such a short time... and he tells us we should be moving in about mid September, just in time for spring and some warmer weather - so in about another 5 weeks we'll be living in our dream house, on our dream property in our much loved town.

And I can't wait.

This is looking toward the family room and kitchen from the games room.

This is standing in the 'yet-to-be' kitchen looking out the front of the house.

And this is the water-tank-in-preparation - the concrete is poured between the 2 walls - then the metal casing is removed. Then all the earth is backfilled around the tank and then we get some water delivered to start us off and pray for more rain!

14

2007-08-06T20:27:00.001+10:30

Well what is there to say? Fourteen months logged in today. To be honest I don't have much to say about that sorry state of affairs other than to note it on my blog. So consider it NOTED.

That's all folks.

Out of Review Room!

2007-07-29T17:56:00.000+10:30

It's official. Someone sitting in an office in Beijing, China has looked at our file, read all about us and seen our photos. Officially we are out of the Review Room (to see photos of the Review Room click here)... which was an (almost) record breaking timeframe for being in and out the quickest... we were in the Review Room for a whopping 3 weeks! Although you have to remember our file sat on a shelf in that same office for 13 months before anyone looked at it. And now it will move to another shelf before it is looked at again.

So in essence this means that the People's Republic of China have now approved us to adopt one of their precious children.

We are now considered to be 'pending allocation' and that actually means the next time someone will look at our file, they will also be looking at our daughter's (or son's) file as well, and hopefully saying "ahhh yes, this child and this couple will make a lovely family."

Who knows how long we will now wait to get that call. It is such an unknown. When people ask I just keep saying "oh about another year." But I feel like I have been saying that for... well... about a year!

My hopes and prayers are that we will see our child's face before Christmas 2008.

Author Unknown...

2007-07-26T22:33:00.000+10:30

There are women who become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money, or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for a child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle everyday for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed them.

I count myself blessed in this sense, that God has given me this insight, this special vision which I will look upon my child in a way that other mothers don't. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbour, friend and sister because I have known pain. Real pain.

I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell in a way that many never face. Yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.

I have succeeded.

I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of others eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes when walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.

And I will be a wonderful mother.

Sobering thoughts...

2007-07-24T20:18:00.000+10:30

When we started along the process to adopt a child from China, allocations were happening at about 6 months after a file was sent to Beijing.

With an anticipated age of the child at about 12 months at allocation, this meant that we believed our child had been born and was already in a SWI (Social Welfare Institute - Orphanage) waiting for a family.
With the current timeframes being what they are - ie. the latest batch of allocations went to families who had their file in China for about 20 months (ours has been there for almost 14 months) it puts us in an interesting position... we are actually waiting for a child to be abandoned so we can become parents. Over and above this is the fact that when our file went to China - his or her birth parents had not even conceived, and would not have even known what lay ahead for themselves, or their child... our child.

Behind this long and hard wait, behind the yearning to become a mother and behind the pain and reality of facing another Christmas childless... there is child who is yet to be born, and who is yet to be abandoned and yet to be found. And there is a birth mother and father, a birth family... who are yet to face possibly the most difficult decision of their lives.

A sobering thought.

Dug a Hole.

2007-07-21T10:09:00.000+10:30

Seeing this at the house site reminded me of that great Australian movie 'The Castle' where Dale Kerrigan proudly tells his dad every day - "Dad, I dug a hole."

This is the hole ready for the water tank to go into and some lesser seen footage of the back of the house...

Quick update (for my Mum and Debs)

2007-07-17T21:30:00.000+10:30

See - we have a roof!

Apologies...

2007-07-10T21:41:00.000+10:30

Sorry everyone who left a message in the last couple of days (even sans photos) - I did read them all but in order to sort out my photo problem I had to delete everything and start again. Sorry - please come back and repeat yourself... Weird thing is it looks to me like the photos have been posted - but next morning... *poof* gone. Weird. Bloody Blogger. So tonight I can see them and fingers crossed you can still see them tomorrow. Bloody Blogger.

Lisa xx

House update...

2007-07-10T20:00:00.000+10:30

We've had so much rain that we are now about three weeks behind schedule on building the house. It may look different from the last lot of photos - but it's not that much to say it's been three weeks. Here's what's happened since... all the brick work is complete, and it has been rendered (don't freak that cacky grey is the raw concrete, not the colour we have chosen!), and obviously the roof has at least started. What you can't see is that all the wiring for the electricity has also been done. We have our fingers crossed that the roof will be finished by the end of the week, which means we are at lock up stage - and we can get started on the inside. Yey.

P.S. Due to a short break in transmission (problems with blogger) I've posted a few catch up posts below if anyone's interested!

Lucky 13?

2007-07-06T21:22:00.000+10:30

We have now been Logged into the China Centre for Adoption Affairs for 13 months. And we have finally had a little bit of movement. CCAA have officially advised that they have "finished the Review of Adoption Application documents received before 31 May 2006." With a 6 June 2006 LID - we are most defintely in the Review Room. Someone in Beijing could be looking at our file RIGHT NOW! Here are some pictures of the Review Room...

Isn't she beautiful...

2007-06-29T21:16:00.000+10:30

I started a new job and in the week between finishing my old job and starting the new one, I got to spend a week with my Mum, Stepdad Paul, my sister and 'The G', my gorgeous nephew and beautiful new niece and soon to be God Daughter... isn't she beautiful... look at that hair and those cheeks. Beautiful.

Bloody Typical...

2007-06-28T20:39:00.000+10:30

We start building and the heavens open! In the area where we live - a small country area of NSW - we have been in severe drought for about 2 years... to the point we have run out of water to service our toilets and to use for our showers and washing machines. We have been forced to cart water to our property for about 6 months now as our water tank is empty. The creek beds are dry, the livestock are being sold, and the talk of the town is about the lack of rain. But as soon as we started building we have had nothing but rain... and just yesterday we even found it hard to get up to see the latest on the house (which is not much) because our road was flooded from the creek. And while the rain is much needed by our farmer friends... all we can think is ...Bloody Typical!

This is the creek at the bottom of our property which usually goes under the road!

Sorry for the break in transmission...

2007-06-26T21:08:00.000+10:30

I've been having problems with Blogger but think I've found a work around - thanks to Magnolia's Friend ... so let me catch you up on all the happenings in our little lives. I'll post each update separately!

Windows and Bricks

2007-06-12T21:07:00.000+10:30

Well the house is powering along... literally! It's only been 6 weeks since the foundations were marked out and we now have half a house (well the external bit anyway)! In the last week the roof trusses have been finished, the facsia and guttering has gone on, the 'alfresco' dining area now has a frame, we have windows, and the brickwork has started!

By the end of the week all the brickwork should be finished, early next week the bricks will be bagged, by mid next week the tin should be on the roof, and by end of next week we will be at lock-up stage.

Of course this is all dependent on the weather... And as our luck would have it we have gone from drought to snow. Yes it has snowed this morning.

The house from the front with the french doors, windows and the brickwork on the left of the house half way up.

Close up of the bricks and the fascia and guttering.

When a year feels like a lifetime...

2007-06-06T10:00:00.000+10:30

One year ago today we were advised by the Australian Government that all our information had travelled 1/2 way across the world and was logged into the systems at the Chinese Centre of Adoption Affairs in Beijing. Information about me and about your Daddy. About where we work, where we live, what our house is like, how we will raise you, how healthy we are, and what we know about China and about being parents to a little baby who will be born a world away.

One year ago... when the People's Republic of China received our information you were not even conceived - yet we loved you already.

One year ago... we named you - we gave you a name we love, a name we hope you will love too.

One year ago... we celebrated with a bottle of Champagne that we were going to be your parents.

One year ago... you became the centre of our world.

One year ago... I started shopping and haven't stopped...

My Angel, my daughter - I wish we didn't have to wait so long to meet. Everyday is a day we are without you, and you are without us. Wherever you are sweetheart - I hope your belly is full, you have a warm bed, you know you are loved and so, so wanted.

One year ago we were LID. I hope in one more year - you are in our arms.

We love you. xxx

House update... only not ours!

2007-06-02T20:00:00.000+10:30

Weird thing this year - not only are we building a house, but my sister and her husband - 'The G' - are also building a house AND my Mum and Stepdad are about to start building a house... we didn't plan this - it has just worked out this way.

My sister and The G are the first in line, so we have eagerly been watching their house go up. And now it's up! My sister and I also have completely different lifestyles. We are country folk, we live in a small country town a few hours from the coast on a couple hundred acres. My sister and The G live on the coast - only a few hundred metres from a beautiful beach. As such, our houses are completely different - they have an ultra-modern beach house, and we are building a country homestead surrounded by wildlife.

We all actually have the best of both worlds - we get a beach side resort when we visit them, and they get a country retreat when they visit us. Perfect!

So here's an update on their house! D and 'The G' - you've done a great job and should be very proud of yourselves.

Rumpus room looking toward the lounge room...

Lounge room looking toward the dining room...

Great view from the balcony to the beach...

Tada... moving in very soon!

Talking Terminology... "China Doll"

2007-05-25T11:25:00.000+10:30

Occasionally people make reference to our (future) daughter as our China Doll. They say things like “I bet you can’t wait to bring home your China Doll.” Or “She’ll be such a China Doll.” And I know people are well meaning when they say this, and I also know they have probably never considered that what they are saying can be offensive to Asian women (generally) and as such this not a term that is (generally) used in the China Adoption community.

Why is ‘China Doll’ such an offensive term? Historically the term China Doll was used to describe Asian prostitutes. The ‘China Doll’ stereotype insinuates that Asian women are hypersexual, submissive, exotic, feminine, and eager to please white males. According to author Sheridan Prasso, the China doll stereotype and other variations of this submissive stereotype exist in American movies: Geisha Girl/Lotus Flower/Servant/China Doll: Submissive, docile, obedient, reverential (including Asian men as effeminate, servile); Vixen/Sex Nymph: Sexy, coquettish, manipulative; tendency toward disloyalty or opportunism; Prostitute/Victim of Sex Trade/War/Oppression: Helpless, in need of assistance or rescue; good-natured at heart (from: www.answers.com/topic/stereotypes-of-asians).

Using the word ‘doll’ is also a term that objectifies women as an object instead of a human.

I personally don't take offence when people use this term, I know it is generally meant to be a cutesy kinda nickname - and given we haven't shared what our daughter's name will be with many people, sometimes I think they don't really know how to refer to her. But I also think putting this explanation 'out there' is important. As prospective adoptive parents of a child from another country and culture - I feel we have a responsibility to educate not only ourselves but people who will be in our daughter's life.

Welcome beautiful girl...

2007-05-21T15:11:00.000+10:30

My beautiful new niece - Lauren. Welcome sweetheart xxx

P.S. - I can't wait to see you and your cousin playing together. Or perhaps with the current China wait times - you could babysit for us?!

How cool does this look...

2007-05-20T20:38:00.000+10:30

We have a structure!

2007-05-17T12:37:00.000+10:30

Of course it could only happen to us. We live in an area that has been quite severely affected by the drought. Our rivers have dried up, people have sold their livestock and we are carting water from the main town to our house every 2 weeks to fill our water tanks. And the week we were scheduled to have our slab poured - it rained, and rained and rained. We got about 50mm in the space of three days. The issue was not so much pouring the slab in the rain, but getting the concrete trucks up to the block - which is at the end of 15km of dirt road - without them getting bogged.

But here we are and not only now do we have a slab - but we have a house frame! Now its getting exciting.

The formwork and plumbing.

The slab from the west side of the house.

The frame goes up. Looking at the west side of the house.

The frame at sunset! Standing in the family room looking toward the Home Theatre Room, Rumpus Room and Main Bedroom.

Front of the house.

Once upon a time...

2007-05-12T19:21:00.000+10:30

Now we have actually started building - it's interesting to look at where we were a year ago. We have had our land for about 2 years but only got serious about building a house on it this time last year...

So we chose a house site (not easy to do on 200 acres)...

And we cleared the land (yep - that's me!)...

And then we had a great idea. "Let's live on our land in a Big Red Bus (sundeck and all)..." so we moved in!

And even though we had no electricity and no running water we had a great time and we became very creative...

And then winter came... and in our part of Australia - it gets COLD...

And even Gerry the Wallaby looked cold...

And the dogs said... "bugger this we're outta here..."

And we merrily moved back to the house down the street. THE END.

The road less travelled...

2007-05-07T19:15:00.000+10:30

This has been something on my mind for a while. And it's really an attempt by me to answer why... Why us? Why me?

Infertility is a crisis. A crisis for a couple and a crisis for both a man and a woman. I don't think this crisis can really be understood by anyone who has not 'been there'... Close your eyes and imagine for just one moment... how it feels to find the love of your life, that someone who is so like you in every way... someone who is your best friend... someone who loves you for who you are... someone who you want to share everything life has to offer... someone with who you plan your life together - talk endlessly about your dreams: getting married, buying a house, travelling the world, having a family.

But having a family doesn't happen. Not the way it seems to happen for everyone else. We love each other, we are young, we are healthy, we are good people. But we are not fertile. Why aren't we fertile? What have we done to deserve this? All we want is to be parents. To have a child together. Why can't we? What have I done? What have we done?

We don't know and the answer is probably nothing... we haven't done anything. We are just on the road less travelled.

Shane and I tried to fall pregnant for about 8 months until we sought 'help'. We thought given we were only in our late 20's that we would pop some pills and voila - 9 months later we would have Baby E. Well 5 IVFs later... including one ectopic pregnancy and the removal of one of my fallopian tubes... I could not face any more... and to be honest what I couldn't face was the look on my husband's face when I told him, once again, I had my period.

We needed a break from the appointments, the injections, the pain and the disappointment. I needed some relief.

We turned to adoption pretty quickly. Interestingly, we had always talked about International Adoption as being one way we would form our family... we had always said 4 children, 2 biological, and 2 through Intercountry Adoption. We had discussed this even before we knew having biological children would be difficult for us. It very quickly became an obvious choice for us to become a family.

And suddenly we were faced with 'when' not 'if'.

We seem to have always been on a road less travelled. We got married in solitude on a beach in the Whitsunday Islands of Queensland, Australia (read - we eloped). We were so much more interested in being married to one another, than having the cars, and the dress, and the cake and all the attention. We didn't tell anyone we were married until a week after the fact - including our parents.

Our friends travel to Europe or Asia and stay in 5 star hotels. Our preferred trips are to remote places living 6 weeks on the back of a truck - sleeping under the stars in sleeping bags.

We buy 200 acres and move to drought ridden Australia to start the life we have talked about for as long as we have known each other... building a country homestead in a small, country town where everyone knows our name.

... And we apply to the People's Republic of China to entrust us with one of their precious daughters (or sons... I have always thought that our road less travelled will bring us to one of China's sons - and of course we would be thrilled).

The wait is much longer than we anticipated... we will be first time parents at an older age than we thought we would be. But we are living the life that I know was laid out for us. We are living a life that only a few get to live... we are living the road less travelled. And I am grateful.

Lisa xxx

Eleven...

2007-05-06T19:02:00.000+10:30

In the famous words of Spinal Tap's Nigel Tufnel "this one goes to eleven."

So here we are 11 months logged into the systems in CCAA. To date CCAA have allocated children to families logged in to November 1 2005. We are not yet in the review room - April 06 seem to be in Review at this stage and who knows how far we are from receiving any news of our child?

Until then we have a house to build and will post updated photos when we have them. Fortunately (or unfortunately for us) we have had a small break in the drought here in Gundaroo - but that has meant we are delayed in our house building. We hope to have the slab poured this week - and we can't wait! After 2 years of nothing - getting a slab will be fantastic.

Cheers to all our fellow 06.06.06 LIDers.

Lisa & Shane xxx

Finally... the house building starts!

2007-04-18T12:28:00.000+10:30

It's been a long time coming - but we've started (well Chris our builder has). I am glad of the timing as it means I have something to be distracted by while we wait for our daughter. Here are some pictures - it's not much to look at right now - but it is a start!

The view from 'the hill' back to the house site.

Standing at the shed site looking toward the west wall of the house. With Mei and Raf checking out their new home.

And the brick work starts!

We are going to take photos from standing in the same spot every few days so we will get a good picture of how the house is progressing.

Cheers,

Lisa

10 Months... can you believe it?

2007-04-06T21:23:00.000+10:30

We thought we would travel to China to bring our daughter home 6 months after being LID. Well that was 10 months ago. 10. Yes 10. Say it again... 10 months. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10. Double Digits TEN. I couldn't even post a 9 Months LID Anniversary because... well it was just too darn depressing. Is too darn depressing.

If I think about this wait for our child too much, spend too much time in "that place" I can sometimes find myself falling into that dark, dark place I often found myself in during IVF. The plan was to become a Mum at 28 - when we first started having BMS (baby making sex)... and now at 35 I am faced with the absolute fact that I am going to be an older first time Mum. And I can't do anything about it. Not for me, not for Shane. I will most likely become a Mum at 36 - eight years after it was 'supposed' to happen. Yes 8 years. Repeat... 8 years. Eight years of waiting... a wait which for most people is generally 9 months.

We began the adoption process in October 2004 - 2.5 years ago - about the same time I started this BLOG. I have been 'pregnant' for 2.5 years, I have watched relatives, friends and colleagues not only have one child, but 2 and some approaching 3 in the time we have waited for our baby girl. This journey is hard... adoption is not the easy path.

But you know what...

Baby girl I know you are waiting for us... you are in China waiting for us to get on a plane and come to you, and hold you and never let you go (cause we won't) and bring you home... where there is already so much love from your family. You already have beautiful clothes, and toys, and everything you could ever imagine... but most of all you are loved. Loved by your Nana's and Poppies, Aunties and Uncles... and by us, your Mum and Dad - we already love you more than you could ever imagine... our Princess.

I pray for a big batch of referrals this month, I pray those children come home to their families soon, I pray we see your face before the end of this year.

Happy Easter my baby girl - wherever you are. Angel.
XXX

Just because...

2007-03-14T14:29:00.000+11:00

This is too damn cute...

More of these beautiful photos can be found at this stunning Flickr site where there is a set of 93 photos called 'CHINA in Red and Black' ~by kurtvansteelant: http://www.flickr.com/photos/kurtvst/sets/72157594578578063/

Enjoy xxx

8 Months LID Anniversary!

2007-02-06T09:36:00.000+11:00

Well 8 months has passed since we were logged into the China system at CCAA. Although this is progress, it's slow progress. When we started we kinda thought we would be home with bub by now, but are now not sure whether we are 1/2 way there, 1/3 way there or 3/4 way there! As per the previous post - allocations have just been made to families with LID's up to October 13, 2005. That means there is still 8 months worth of LIDs before us.

I am hoping that when CCAA hits the 2006 LIDs things will speed up a little. There seems to have been a big hump toward the end of 2005 with some really big LID days... but I think that some of the earlier 2006 dates are much smaller.

Of course the good news in all of this is we need a bit of time to build our house (although if DoCS phoned today and said get on a plane to China - I wouldn't even bother packing)! So the house-building finally seems to be making some progress. We have plans a couple of weeks away from being approved by Council, and we have a builder! Now we just need to arrange electricity to the house site and within the month (fingers crossed) we should see the first soil turned. We have cleared the house site in preparation so here is a preview...

Oh yeah and we are off to Thailand for some R&R (leaving on the 12th Feb) for a couple of weeks. And we can't wait!

Lisa
XXX

CCAA Updated - Referrals & Review Room

2007-02-05T09:53:00.000+11:00

Welcome Poppy...

2007-01-15T13:19:00.000+11:00

Hello baby girl,
You have a new Poppy (for all my US friends - this means Grandad). Congratulations Mum and Paul on your marriage! Welcome Poppy. xxx

7 Months LID...

2007-01-08T14:28:00.000+11:00

OK this is a couple of days late - but we were 7 months LID on January the 6th. Are we half way there? Don't know. A quarter of the way there? Don't know...

But it's a nice feeling to have 7 months behind us.

Congrats New Families!

2007-01-04T14:30:00.000+11:00

CCAA have just posted their latest update. Congrats to all the families who just got a great start the to New Year. Cut off is September 27, 2005 - with no update on Review Room.

I wish you Merry Christmas my child...

2006-12-18T10:38:00.000+11:00

There’s a little girl trembling on a cold December morn, and crying for her mama’s arms,
At an orphanage just outside a little China town, where the forgotten are,
But half a world away I hang the stocking by the fire, and dream about the day I can finally call you mine.

It's Christmas time again but you’re not home, your family’s here and yet you are somewhere else alone,
So tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in his arms and tell you from my heart,
I wish you Merry Christmas.

As I hang the tinsel on the tree and watch the twinkling lights, I’m warm by the fire’s glow,
Outside the children tumble in a wonderland of white, make angels in the snow,
Half a world away you try your best to fight the tears, and hope that heavens angels come to carry you here.

It’s Christmas time again but you’re not home, your family’s here and yet you are somewhere else alone,
So tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in his arms and tell you from my heart,
I wish you Merry Christmas.

xxx

~lyrics from a song by 'Third Day' (US Band)

6 Months...

2006-12-06T10:30:00.000+11:00

When we started this process we knew people were getting referrals (ie. when we recieve information on a child) 6 months after LID. Then travelling 6-8 weeks after accepting a referral. That should have been us - now. And we would have been travelling in January - probably around my Birthday.

But as you will know now, from my previous posts, the timeframe is holding at about 15 months from LID to referral. So we are not even half way there (and that assumes 15 months will hold and not get any longer). I am not angry, or frustrated, or upset. I am sad. I am sad that we will have another Christmas without our child, that I will have another Birthday (and Shane most likely will as well), that another Mothers Day will come and go - but most of all that we are losing precious time with our daughter.

On a positive note - the rumour front has a couple of nice things to hold on to. It seems that April 2006 LIDs are in the Review Room, and that there maybe a few new SWI's (Social Welfare Institutes - ie. Orphanages) signing onto the IA program... meaning more babies will find homes with families.

So here's to us Batch 45 - 6 months under our belt. Cheers!

xxx

Uuugghhh... CCAA Update

2006-12-01T13:37:00.000+11:00

September 8th 2005 cut-off. Uuuggghhh....

Congrats to new families about to be formed.

Summer is here...

2006-11-24T13:46:00.000+11:00

We have some land - where we are building a new house. Our land is in what is known as 'The Bush'... and after a few very hot and windy days we have had a couple of bushfires that have come close enough to be of a concern... but given we don't have a house there just yet, our only concern was really for the trees and animals... and of course our neighbours.

Here are some pictures to show just how big and how close the fires came.

Looking from our land toward the fire...

A neighbour's property...

The end of our road - burnt out...

Scared little possum...

The wait will be worth it...

2006-11-23T10:28:00.000+11:00

5 Months...

2006-11-06T17:16:00.000+11:00

5 Month L.I.D Anniversary today... how many more to go???

Also - happy 40th Birthday Chuck! You know who I mean - yes you... see you soon!

XXX

OK Some Self Indulgence...

2006-11-03T09:53:00.000+11:00

For "Grey's Anatomy" and McDreamy fans... this one's for you. I love this video and song! Turn up the Volume!

Congrats New Families!

2006-11-03T09:39:00.000+11:00

Congratulations to everyone who are about to see their babies faces for the first time... August 25 2005 is the cut-off. We are patientley waiting to see how far we are away from the Review Room - currently we think January and February are in Review... then it will be March and April then (fingers-crossed) May and June (us).

Madonna Adopts...

2006-10-13T11:14:00.000+10:30

I have very mixed emotions about this... It bothers me what message this sends to people who are not in the adoption world.... Madonna's adoption journey reads more like a shopping trip (although obviously all I have read is in the tabloids).

Malawi is not a recognised IA country - Shane and I have spent a bit of time in Malawi - and were touched by the people and the culture. We spent time with village chiefs, went to the schools and even took a look around the maternity ward. The poverty in this county was overwhelming and on return to Australia we sponsored a child from Malawi, and now have another sponsored shild from Malawi. I expect we would have seriously considered Malawi for our adoption based on the emotional connection we have. But this is a country, for whatever reasons, that DOES NOT SIGN UP FOR IA.

I am glad this child got a family and opportunities in life beyond what he would ever have in Malawi, and that Madonna may pour money into the community - but how can the country's rules on nonresident adoptions be bypassed so simply - and seemingly quickly? I suppose money can buy anything.

I hope however, that this does perhaps lead the way for more African countries to consider IA. I believe ASIAC and DoCs are working toward approaching other countries - including South Africa to sign onto IA.

It is a bit of a smack in the face for us regular people wanting to be parents through IA - we are already 18 months into the process with at least another 12 months until we bring our daughter home.

Sorry this seems a bit all over the place - ramblings of a paper pregnant woman - who is now 18 months pregnant and who has a real heart for Malawi!

Happy Chinese Moon Festival...

2006-10-06T14:25:00.000+10:30

The Chinese Moon Festival is on the 15th of the 8th lunar month (or 6th October). It's also known as the Mid-autumn Festival. Chinese culture is deeply imbedded in traditional festivals. Just like Christmas and Thanksgiving in the West, the Moon Festival is one of the most important traditional events for the Chinese.

The Moon Festival is also an occasion for family reunions. When the full moon rises, families get together to watch the full moon, eat moon cakes, and sing moon poems. With the full moon, the legend, the family and the poems, you can't help thinking that this is really a perfect world. That is why the Chinese are so fond of the Moon Festival.

The Moon Festival is also a romantic one. A perfect night for the festival is if it is a quiet night without a silk of cloud and with a little mild breeze from the sea. Lovers spend such a romantic night together tasting the delicious moon cake with some wine while watching the full moon. Even for a couple who can't be together, they can still enjoy the night by watching the moon at the same time so it seems that they are together at that hour. A great number of poetry has been devoted to this romantic festival.

So tonight I will be thinking of our daughter and her birth parents...

Happy Moon Festival baby girl XXX

Hard to get excited or even think this will ever happen...

2006-09-26T11:27:00.000+10:30

Have felt really flat about all of this for the last few weeks. At least before I could predict when we might get a referral and when we might travel... but I just don't know anymore. Timeframes and what the CCAA are doing is becoming completely unpredictable... seems to be holding at 14 months from L.I.D. to referral - which would mean we are just over 10 months away, but with some big L.I.D. months ahead - we could be in for a much longer wait.

CCAA have just updated their website - congratulations to all the parents who have waited about 14 months (from L.I.D.) to see their baby's face for the first time.

Instead of getting closer you are getting further away...

2006-08-25T10:31:00.000+10:30

Hello my Princess,

I was warned that the wait was hard... but not this hard. The timeframes for China seem to be slowing right down, last year from LID to Referral was about 6 months, predictions currently are standing at about 12-15 months from LID. But the document processing timeframes from CCAA are not looking good at all. It looks like they are only processing 1-2 weeks max of Dossiers per month. We are in a long, long queue...

It is now August 25th 2006 and the last lot of Dossiers CCAA officially processed were received before 13 July 2005 - latest rumours in China Adoption land is that the next update on processing will only go to 22nd July 2005. Only 1 weeks worth. Meaning as we move into September, CCAA are still only processing Dossiers from July last year. You can see document processing timeframes here--> http://www.china-ccaa.org/frames/index_unlogin_en.jsp

So every month when I think we are getting closer, we may actually be getting further away from seeing your face. I have now been waiting almost 7 years for you my baby.

Sad Mummy xxx

Adoption Etiquette... a bit of a vent

2006-08-17T13:35:00.000+10:30

Now we have been approved to adopt our baby girl from China – we have been telling more people than we ever have before, and I have to say I’m surprised and occasionally shocked at people’s responses. Most are meant with good intention, or curiosity, but some are hurtful – and down right rude! So I thought I would put something together on ‘Adoption Etiquette.’ Please note: these are just my thoughts and feelings having been on the end of many of these questions.

Question: “How much will your baby cost?”
My thoughts: No-one asked us this when we were doing IVF, and our bill from that little exercise will be comparable to the costs associated with the services provided to us to be able to adopt a baby from China. Contrary to popular belief – we are not buying a baby.. We pay for the services provided to us by DoCS, NSW Police Department, Lawyers, Department of Foreign Affairs, Chinese Consulate, and to the Chinese Centre for Adoption Affairs, and travel and accommodation expenses.

Question: “Don’t you want your own baby?”
My thoughts: This does tend to infer our daughter won’t be our own. Our daughter will be our own baby. She won’t be anyone else’s.

Question: “Can’t you have children?”
My thoughts: This is just plain rude.

Question: “Why a Chinese baby, why not an Australian baby.”
My thoughts: Not always, but sometimes I feel there is an implication in the question that people think an 'Australian' (read Caucasion) baby would be preferable. This question is also somewhat intrusive – I have never asked you about your family making decisions. There are many reasons we have chosen to adopt from China. Adopting from China was a good fit for our family. Full Stop.

Question: “What happened to her real parents?”
My thoughts: It implies that Shane and I will not be real parents. What is the opposite of real? Fake. I don’t think we will fake it. Shane and I will change nappies, feed, bath, play, love, educate, cuddle and enjoy our daughter. Not sure how much more real we could get.

Comment: “Now you’re adopting I bet you’ll fall pregnant.”
My thoughts: This one really irks me! There are four reasons I detest this comment (1) we are not adopting to fall pregnant. We are adopting to have a baby. (2) when people say this – they are implying that adoption is second best. For us it is the perfect way to form a family. (3) It detracts from our beautiful baby girl – who is a child in her own right. (4) This throws back to me a memory of years of trying to fall pregnant, years of IVF, ectopic pregnancy, pain and hurt. You have no idea what I can and cannot physically do in terms of pregnancy – so don’t assume.

Comment: “I can’t understand how any parent could abandon their child – what a terrible thing to do.”
My thoughts: The birth parents of my daughter will be very, very precious to us, and will remain a part of our family always. They gave us our daughter. We have no right to judge a mother and father who live in a political regime that we have very little understanding of, and no experience of. I am sure what they did, and what my daughter’s birth mother did was the absolute hardest, terrifying, saddest and yet bravest thing she has ever done. I will be eternally thankful that she left my child somewhere that she was found and looked after, and eventually made her way to us. Her birth parents will always be a part of our life.

Comment: “You are doing such a wonderful thing, providing a home to a child in need.”
My thoughts: This is not a charity venture for us. We want to be parents, we want to have children… just like you do. We are the ones who will be the luckiest Mum and Dad in the world.

OK I feel better now.

L.I.D - We Have One!

2006-07-25T10:44:00.000+10:30

For those of you who don't know L.I.D (Log In Date) is the day all of our information is logged into the systems in China. This means (1) our stuff found its way to China OK (2) there is now an electronic record of our stuff (3) we really are in a (long) queue to our baby girl!

Our L.I.D is also a bit freaky...

06.06.06

Well we'll never forget it I suppose.

XXX

Presenting the Stunning Batch 45!

2006-07-25T10:24:00.000+10:30

Hello baby girl...

Here we are - Batch 45! Gorgeous aren't we? This was our first meeting at Coogee in Sydney - we had a great lunch and some great chats - a really lovely group of people and I look forward to getting to know them over the next year or so. This is who we will travel with next year - we will all meet our daughters togther. How exciting! That is Daddy who you can barely see (bottom left) hiding behind my 'big hair'.

A couple of other bits of great news... our friends Sophie and Anthony have progressed to their Social Worker visits after a really, really short period of time after having put their application in to DoCS. We are so excited that they will be following not far behind on their journey to their daughter.

And I will post our other good news in a separate post as it deserves a post all of it's own!

Mummy xxx

One Month Down...

2006-07-05T11:00:00.000+10:30

11 to go. Current wait times are predicted at about 12 months from when your file goes to China *Sigh*. Well there is not much I can do about it, so I will continue to wait, dream about you, try and keep busy, and pre-occupy myself with things like this - The Word-Cloud. This is very cool - it picks up all the key words in a blog and makes a cloud... you can do this by going here--> http://www.snapshirts.com/custom.php

My Word Cloud (cool huh?):

Oh well - that passed 10 minutes.

xxx

Where are you now...?

2006-06-23T11:22:00.000+10:30

Hello my Princess,
This is the question that pre-occupies my mind, all day, every day. Where are you now? Are you still in your birth mummy's tummy, are you laying in a box under a bridge, or outside a hospital where you are sure to be found, are you in an orphanage already? I don't know... I wish I did. I wish I knew where you are, wish I knew that you are safe and warm. Wish I was holding you already.

Here is a video of an orphanage in China. This is perhaps where you are now... or where you will soon be. And while the surroundings are not great, they are clean, the babies here look healthy, there seems to be many carers - and there are 'milk-shakes'.

Video Hosting - Upload Video - Video Sharing
Darling girl... where-ever you are, you are in my heart.

Mummy xxx

DTC!

2006-06-09T17:04:00.000+10:30

For those of us in the China Adoption world... those three little letters mean everything.
D - Dossier
T - To
C - China.

Yes our dossier is in China! Sent on June 1 2006. Our photos, our letter, our life documented on paper is now in the hands of CCAA (China Centre for Adoption Affairs). This is a major, major milestone and warranted the pop of cork from a very nice bottle of Moet.

We are off to the dirty pub for dinner tonight - to celebrate with our friends, our community!

Next stop LID...

XXX

Another update from DoCS - Batch 45 is Full!!

2006-05-29T10:29:00.000+10:30

Hi Precious Girl,

Well once again things are moving along for us. We have just been notified that Batch 45 is full - which means there are about another 5 couples who have submitted their Dossiers to DoCS, and who we will most likely travel with in Batch 45. These people will be important in our lives, and in yours, because their daughters will most likely be from the same Orphanage as you (or at least the same Province). So you will have some history with these baby girls too.

Here is the note from DoCS:

"Dear Batch 45,

I am writing to inform you that Batch 45's dossiers are currently at the Chinese Consulate, could you please forward a BANK cheque or money order for the amount of $300 made payable to the "Chinese Consulate".

PLUS - 2 US Bank drafts (as listed on your second stages fee list)

US$200 - made payable to "BLAS"
US$410 - made payable to "China Centre for Adoption Affairs"

Should the bank that you request the US Bank Drafts from, require further details about the receiving parties please provide them with the following:

CHINA CENTRE FOR ADOPTION AFFAIRS
No. 7 Baiguang Rd
Zhongmin Building
Xuanwu District
BEIJING 100053
CHINA

BRIDGE OF LOVE ADOPTION SERVICES – BLAS
4th floor, Zhongmin Building
No.7 Baiguang Road
Xuanwu District
Beijing
CHINA

Can you please make sure all cheques are received by our office before the close of business on 30 May 2006 to avoid delays.

Please note that it may take up to 10 working days from the 30 May 2006, before your dossier will be forwarded to China. You will be advised in writing of the date your dossier was forwarded to China."

It is very exciting for us to see those Chinese addresses, and know that all the work we have done over the past year, culminates in our files with all of the information we have collected ending up in China, and closer to you.

I find myself crying at the drop of a hat at the moment... you seem so close yet so far. I now wait for the day when we see your face for the first time. My beautiful girl.

Mummy xxx

Batch 45!

2006-04-29T17:13:00.000+10:30

Hi Sweetheart,

Well it's official - we're in a Batch! Batch 45 to be exact... and Mummy and Daddy are so relieved to have everything in order and handed over to the Australian Government who will work with the Chinese Consulate in Sydney, and with the Department of Foreign Affairs.

Yesterday Daddy and I travelled for 3 hours from our house to Parrammatta with all of our documents, and first stop was with a Solicitor to get everything notarised, then we went to DoCS and saw Jacqui who came out to check we had everything in order - and we did. She was able to tell us right then and there that we are now part of Batch 45. There is one other couple already in the Batch, and it is considered filled when there are six couples. So now we wait on a bunch of strangers to hurry up and get their Dossiers into DoCS so we can continue on with our journey to you.

These people I am sure will become great friends over the coming months as we all go through the process together, and we all travel together to meet our daughters. We are pretty much in the official wait baby - there is nothing more Mummy and Daddy can do (other than draw some cheques, and keep saving).

So another step princess. We went out and celebrated last night - we stayed in the Blue Mountains - near Sydney and had a great dinner, and talked about you a lot. Then this morning we went off to meet Phil - the man who is helping us build our house. So here are some photos of where you will live - we cannot wait until you are here with us. We live in the most beautiful place in Australia...

Sometimes when I think about you, it hurts so much to know you are world away... and my wait until I hold you is still so far away. You are already so incredibly loved.

Love you my angel,

Mummy xxx

Hey Baby...

2006-04-20T21:09:00.000+10:30

Hey Precious,
I don't have much to tell you other than you have been on my mind a lot... Daddy and I nearly have all of out paperwork and other things together now, and tonight we have gone through some of our photos - which we will send to China with our file... we have had a good laugh looking back through our life together... and have remembered some great times that we have shared so far... but I bet none of them compare to what we have ahead in meeting you and becoming a family together.

We do have some great news, some friends of ours who we met through IVF Connections have just submitted their Expression of Interest to adopt from China. We are very, very excited about this news... and can't wait to share their journey to their daughter also. This is great news for all of us as Sophie and Anth live so close to Mummy and Daddy that we will be able to visit often.

So next week we get all of our documents notarised then take them to DoCS. I can't wait for this bit to be over and our file on it's way to you...

I was thinking about you lots today when I watched a video from my 'cyber-friend' Tim showing when he and his wife, Karen, met their beautiful daughter Cadence.... grab your tissues - here it is...

http://homepage.mac.com/andersenscott/The_Cady_Chase/

Thanks Scott, Karen and Cady for sharing this. I'm in awe of the beauty of this child and so happy she has found such a wonderful family.

Sending you love and hugs tonight darling girl... we're on our way... soon.

Mummy and Daddy xxx

'Paper' Pregnant at Last...

2006-03-21T19:57:00.000+11:00

After what seems like the longest wait - we got THE LETTER from DoCS saying we have been approved as 'suitable and eligble' to adopt a child (or twins) of any sex, 0-24 months from China... oh happy, happy day!

This is comparable to having a good 3 month ultra-sound. So here's ours...

Now we have some more running around to do (more fingerprints, more medical checks, more letters from employers etc etc.) and then we have to get all our documentation notarised and translated and sent back to DoCS - with another reasonable amount of money... and again we wait to form a 'batch'...

Waiting, waiting, waiting...

Darling - we have now been on a path to our first child, to you, for five years... and we will wait some more until we see your face and you are put into our arms. And then... I am sure that the last five years will feel like an instant and forever all at once.

Doing a happy dance this week.

Mummy xxx

My favourite little people...

2006-02-22T20:34:00.000+11:00

Hi baby girl,

It's nearly Baby Aidan's first birthday and Aunty Debbie sent me some video this week of Aidan walking... I was having a couple of rough days at work, and after one very crappy meeting came back to my computer and there it was - Baby Aidan walking, bare bottomed, across the floor all on his own. He turns 1 this month... and I find that this stage of his life stirs a lot of emotion in me... I have watched him grow from a baby, into a toddler (that toddles!)... and I know that the changes I have seen in him, I won't see in you. That makes me so incredibly sad...

But I thought I would dedicate this post to my most favourite 'little' people... your cousins and uncles... our Godsons and Brothers...

Blake and Luke (your cousins) - our Godsons

David and Christopher - my Brothers - your Uncles (with Raf and Kenya)

Baby Aidan - your first cousin and Uncle Gordon...

And the beautiful Ellie Rae - your cousin - my favourite girl...

Baby girl every step to you gets harder and harder... it will be another 9 months until we see your face, and another 12 months til we wrap our arms around you. Daddy and I talk about you all the time... you are so real to us. Not being with you breaks our heart... hope you like the photos of your cousins and uncles... they mean the world to Daddy and I.

Hoping you have a full belly and warm hug tonight precious...

Mummy and Daddy xxx

Adoption process update...

2006-02-01T13:20:00.000+11:00

Hello darling, well another step closer to you...

We recieved this notification on January the 16th from DoCS...

Dear Shane and Lisa,
We have received your home assessment report from your private social worker today, 16/1/06 . The report will now be referred to your caseworker for them to review and to make a recommendation to our Manager Casework, who will make a decision about approval.

Unfortunately we cannot give time frames from receipt of report to a decision about your application due to the dynamic nature of the workflows in this office. Therefore the time frames that we work towards achieving are from the date of lodgement of an application to an assessment decision of 9 -12 months for 1st time applicants and 6-9 months for 2nd and subsequent applicants.

You will be informed in writing once a decision has been made about approval.
kind regards,
DoCS

Now we wait to hear if we are officially approved to bring you home, and then we put together another big file of information, have it notarised, then we are allocated into a batch with other China adoptive parents, and wait until the batch is filled, then our information goes to China and we are what is known in the international adoption community as - DTC (Dossier to China)!

Then I can really shop for you!!

Mummy xx

Happy New Year...

2006-01-30T20:00:00.000+11:00

Given our start to 2006 with having Mei Mei join our family, the fact that this is Year of the Dog is very apt!

Today marks the beginning of the Chinese New Year (year 4704), the most significant holiday for Chinese people around the world. Chinese New Year (CNY) is a time for new beginnings, for chasing away the bad spirits from the past year, and for celebrating all birthdays (regardless of the date on which one's falls, the Chinese celebrate all birthdays at CNY). I've also learned it's a time for family and friends, and lots of good food!

This is the first year we have really paid any attention to CNY - but I am sure it will become a bigger and bigger part of our family life over the next few years.

Baby girl - wherever you are - I hope this year is a year of new beginnings for you, and that by the end of the Year of the Dog, we will have seen your face, and you will be on your way to come home to us...

Thinking of you lots and lots Princess. Wishing you a warm bed, a hug and a full belly tonight darling.

Muumy and Daddy xxx

Introducing Mei Mei to our family...

2006-01-22T18:39:00.000+11:00

No - not our baby girl, but our 'little sister' all the same. Mei Mei (meaning little sister in Chinese) comes to us from a bad start in life - where she has been passed around a number of rescue centers and has even had a flight in her short life - from Queensland to NSW. She is a beautiful little girl - a red cattle dog - and has very quickly earned the nick-names of 'High Maintenance Mei' and 'Mei-hem'.

Older brother Raf is intrigued and heavy handed, and older sister Kenya, is falling in love (all but very slowly) and has become very protective of Mei.

After a quite serious accident in her first week with us (which included a rush to the vet, and Mummy becoming somewhat hysterical) - Mei is settling in - even has her own room. Here are the before the accident photos and after - with a somewhat scabby head...

Before - beautiful Mei Mei

After - Mei Mei (scabby-head! - but OK and happy and home with her family...)

Big brother Raf (German Shepherd) and big sister Kenya (Cattle X Kelpie, but probably Staffy) with a message to Mei Mei while she was in hospital...

Mummy in America

2006-01-05T11:01:00.000+11:00

Hey Sweetheart,

Here are some photos of Mummy in the US - I went for a couple of weeks just before Christmas with work, and saw some great things and places in LA, Washington DC, New York and Boston! Including meeting the 'real' Santa Claus outside of Saks on 5th Avenue in New York.

This was my very quick visit to LA and a walk down Rodeo Drive - here's the proof I was there!

And here was one of the highlights of the trip - a cocktail party under a real shuttle at the Smithsonian in Dulles - just amazing! I so wish your Daddy had been with me as he would have been in his element at this place.

Here I am with the 'real' Santa outside Saks on 5th Avenue in New York - it was very cold, but I loved being there with all the snow and Christmas decorations - it was just so pretty - and very different from Christmas in the bush in Australia. And watching the skaters at the Rockerfeller Centre was just beautiful...

I love this photo - this is the view from Capital Hill toward the Lincoln Memorial - taken at sunrise just before I left Washington.

Here is the snow in Boston - like nothing I have ever seen before in a City - it was incredible!

One day I hope me, you and Daddy will get to go to some of these places together.

Mummy xxx

Adoption...

2005-12-03T19:31:00.001+11:00

This 100 year old tortoise has become surrogate mommy to a baby hippo who lost its Mummy in the tsunami.

I may not carry you for 9 months, or give birth to you - but I will love you - and hope you will look as contented as this baby hippo when you lie next to me.

Mummy xxx

Christmas is coming...

2005-12-03T19:31:00.000+11:00

Hi sweetheart...
Well Christmas is nearly here... and Daddy and I have been in the shops today - we bought you a few things, but tonight I find I am so sad that once again Daddy and I will be alone for Christmas, but even more sad that you are not here with us. This year Aunty Debbie and Uncle Gordon will have your cousin Aidan, and this will be the first Christmas that your Nana will have with her first Grandchild, so it's a very special one for our family.

I am convinced you are now born... what a strange concept to grasp -our baby - our daughter is out there, somewhere and we can't see you, touch you or hold you. Sometimes this process of adoption is so trying. I want you here now, with me and Daddy and Raf and Kenya, and with your family for Christmas.

I think sometimes my heart will break knowing you are in an orphanage, and that you have many months ahead of you to be there. My heart also breaks for your birth Mummy who must be very, very sad right now.

All we are waiting for is to get Alison's report that will then go to DoCS and then DoCS approval. Then we wait.

I have waited so long for you. You will have the most amazing life, you will be loved by so many, you already are.

Love you, love you.
Mummy xxx

One strange (but I think meaningful) experience...

2005-11-28T21:00:00.000+11:00

Hi sweetheart,

Just had to share what happened to me on the weekend. I was in Big W - a department store, buying some bits and pieces for you (don't tell Daddy), when a lady I had never met before came up to me. She was Chinese, with a strong Chinese accent, and she turned to me while we werre looking at baby clothes, and said "I have just given birth to a baby girl."

I didn't know what to say, so all I said was "congratulations, she must be very precious."

In a strange way, and in my calculations - I somehow think this was a message to me from your birth Mummy. You have just been born, and I can feel it in my heart, you are about to start your journey to us.

You are in my prayers as you make your way through what is about to be your most difficult time. You are so small, and so alone. Princess, I cry for you and my heart aches to think that before yor become a part of this family, you will have to experience such an experience. Every day I want you here, cuddled up with Daddy and I, warm, wanted, loved and safe.

May my God watch over you, give you the strength to know that things will be wonderful one day, and that you will be found quickly.

Love you with all my heart.
Mummy xxx

Raf and Kenya...hhmmmm not guilty at all

2005-11-21T22:41:00.001+11:00

Hello Angel,

Here are your puppy dogs Raf and Kenya after Daddy and I left them inside one night while we went out to dinner (it was very stormy outside). Half way through dinner Daddy and I realised we had left a bag of rubbish on the floor ready to take out to the bin... here's the result - such innocent faces.

Mummy x

One year down and one to go...

2005-11-21T22:41:00.000+11:00

Hi baby girl,

Daddy and I were in Parrammatta on the weekend, which is where we attended the adoption seminar - one whole year ago. I can't believe it was a year ago, and here we are... one year later, a little bit closer to you, and probably just under a year to wait. I hope the next year goes as quickly as this last one has.

Daddy and I had our last meeting with the Social Worker last night - who has advised that she will approve us to adopt, and went as far to say that in her report she is asked to document any 'risks', ie. negative things about us, she said "I don't think I can fill that bit in - I can't find anything wrong."

One step closer.

Alison will write up her report and then send it to DoCS for official approval - then we are 'paper pregnant' and can announce your arrival to the world... and believe me I will shout it from the roof tops!

Hoping you are well and warm and have a fully belly.

Mummy xxx

Noosa...

2005-11-16T20:51:00.000+11:00

Hey Gorgeous Girl,

I am feeling a bit alone this evening - Daddy is at work. So I thought I would tell you about what we have been doing. Mummy and Daddy have just come back from a long weekend in the Sunshine Coast in Queensland (near where we got married) and had a GREAT time. We really went to see a company who is going to build our house - but Mummy and Daddy splashed out some money and hired a great (and very expensive) car for the weekend, and a really nice apartment. We had a really nice few days together, but I think we are so desperately wanting you in our life that we spent much of our time talking about you.

Princess, I don't know if you will ever understand just how much we yearn for you. We have talked about you for so long, you really are born of our heart and even though we do not know who you are, or whether you are born yet you are so loved, and already so much a part of our family. We have a great house, in the most wonderful country town in Australia (the most wonderful country in the world) with the most amazing family, and great friends and the best community and the most gorgeous school - all we are waiting for is you. You. Precious, stunning, beautiful you.

I think of you every night before I sleep and I don't know where you are... but the time frames given to me suggest you are only just born or about to be born. If all goes well we expect to pick you up in September 06, and we know many babies allocated to parents our age are about 10 months. Which means "welcome to the world my precious one".

One day I hope you realise just how special you are, and even before you were born just how loved and wanted you are, not just by your Mummy and Daddy, but by Nanna and Aunty Debbie and Uncle Gordon and all our close family.

Precious Angel - I will post some photos of Mummy and Daddy soon on our weekend away. XXX

Bad Mummy...

2005-11-08T19:03:00.001+11:00

I know, I know... I said I would not buy anything until we were officially 'paper pregnant' which won't happen until the New Year... but your Daddy encouraged me. I had been thinking about your Nursery and had in my mind what I wanted it to look like... and knew it would all revolve around the quilt I got for you - which I wasn't sure what it would actually look like. And then there it was... and the sheets matched, and then in the next shop I found little storage boxes, soft toys and pyjamas! So I bought the lot and got a theme... pink gingham. And I love it... even showed Lao Lao when she was here.

And this is the crib I am looking at for you - but absolutely not buying until we are official...

Hope you like it darling girl.

Mummy xxx

Woo hoo...

2005-11-08T19:03:00.000+11:00

Hello my Princess,
I am feeling really good, and really excited... every step is just baby steps to you. I have just come home from being with Alison - the Social Worker where Daddy and I had another interview - this time separately. And I think it went really well, Alison said "I have no concerns about you being approved to adopt your baby from China." I said that meant a lot to me to hear, because this whole process can feel quite demanding and invasive.

We talked about what mine and Daddy's life would be like with you in it, why we want to bring you home and a little bit about your birth parents. I was telling Alison that sometimes I am acutely aware that on the other side of the world a woman I don't even know is about to give birth to my daughter. And that what will be the most distressing and incredibly difficult moment of her life, will in about a year turn into what will be the most amazing, magnificent and precious moment of my life. And that the next month or so, will be the hardest for you. My prayer to your birth mummy is that she will leave a note or something -that you will have some physical item that will connect you to her/them and to that moment in time. And I pray you will be found quickly, and that you will be looked after, and that every night until we come to China to meet you someone gives you a warm and loving hug.

I wish so much I could come and hold you now my lovely Angel...

Love you xxx

Swimming with the sharks...

2005-11-07T09:40:00.000+11:00

Hi baby girl,

While I am waiting for Daddy to download some more recent photos, I thought I would pop this one up for you. This was taken a couple of months ago when Mummy went swimming with the sharks in Sydney. I had a great time and just loved the experience.

Daddy and I have another appointment with the Social Worker tomorrow, so things are still progressing - but the time just seems to go so slow... I'll let you know how things go after the appointment, and I will post some more recent photos.

Wishing you were here with us baby,

Mummy xxx

Wanted to post a more recent photo of Mummy and Daddy...

2005-10-29T21:12:00.000+10:30

Well here we are... having a great time at Aunty Raeleigh and Uncle Owen's ... how handsome is this man? My best friend in the whole world. And will make the world's best father... you are one lucky girl. xxx

What we want our daughter to know...

2005-10-28T10:40:00.000+10:30

Our daughter will know:

That she is loved – there will never be any doubt just how wanted she is. We will tell our child “I love you.”

That we will demonstrate that love through our actions, every day.

That as hard as it may be (for us) we will always choose to be your parents before we are your friends.

That we will make the hard choices so that you will make the right choices when the time comes.

That we will allow you to learn from your mistakes and be there with big hug when you do.

That we will move Heaven and Earth to do what is best and right for you.

That we will always be on your side when you are right – and supportive when you are wrong and help you learn to tell the difference.

That nothing will be more important, ultimately, than what is best for our family.

That we will, to the extent that any parent is able, protect you from the known, anticipate as much as we can of the unknown and do our very best to help you to grow safe and healthy.

We’ll make sure you have good doctors and that you go to them.

That we will instil good hygiene habits with you.

That more often that not we will eat a healthy home cooked meal together at the dinner table.

That we will allow you to voice your opinions and concerns as an equal in family discussions.

That we hope to lead by example in how to treat people – we will model compassion and justice in all our interactions with other people.

That we show that, though we are the parents, we have as much to learn from you as you do from us.

That we will listen to you, and we will talk to you, you will be part of all of our major decisions.

That we will drive you to rugby, or gymnastics, or language school, or nippers, or horse riding, or ballet or surfing. What ever you want to try, we will support. We will sit in the first row of every sporting event, concert, game, science fair and play that you are in.

That we will help with homework, meet with your teachers and be active participants in your education.

That we will show you the same respect as what we expect from you.

That we will celebrate your heritage and culture, that we will embrace China as we hope you will embrace Australia.

That you will be able to ask us anything about your background, culture, history, adoption and birth parents – this will always be an open book for us to discuss.

That we will laugh often and have a whole lot of fun – together.

That the best things in life are worth waiting for, and that you are proof of this.

This is our promise to you.

Love Mummy and Daddy xxx

Here's your family...

2005-10-26T21:45:00.000+10:30

Hello Precious,

Some photo's of your family - they all can't wait to meet you darling girl...

Here's baby Aidan - your cousin - this is him at our house in the middle of winter when it is very cold.
Here's Mummy and Nana and Aunty Leigh and Uncle Ian and Ellie Rae during their visit to Australia - Aunty Leigh and Uncle Ian are very special to Mummy - and will love you lots and lots when you get here. They have a little girl - Ellie Rae who will be your friend and can't wait to meet her cousin from China.

And here is your Daddy with Raf and Kenya (your puppy dogs) on our block of land in Gundaroo. We will start building our house next year and hope to have it complete for when you come home...

Love you my darling - hope you enjoy the photos of your family.

Mummy xxx

Can't Concentrate...

2005-10-25T08:30:00.000+10:30

Hi Gorgeous,

I wanted to tell you just how much I think about you. I am at work, but all I do is think about you... all day. I wonder where you are right now, I think about your nursery, I think about our trip to China, I think about bringing you home and introducing you to everyone, I think about all the work we have left to do now until we are approved to adopt you, and it just seems like it is so far away.

You are a much wanted and desired child by both Daddy and I... we already have waited such a long time for you, and we still have to wait for another year (I think). Daddy and I talk about you all the time, we even have a nick-name for you, it's like you already exist in our lives. I guess the truth is, that we know you do exist somewhere, and at one point in time our lives will come together and we will become a family.

All our love,
Mummy and Daddy xxx

Aidan's Christening...

2005-10-18T21:07:00.000+10:30

Hello baby girl,

I am now 'photo-happy' having been successful in posting a picture of the rocking chair I bought for your room - I can't wait until the day I can post a picture of me and you sitting in that chair!

Well on the weekend Daddy and I became God Parents to Aidan Samuel - your cousin. We went up to visit Lao Lao (Nana) and Yi (Aunty) Debbie and Jiu Jiu (Uncle) Gordon for Aidan's Christening and had a wonderful weekend with family. Some of them asked about you and everyone is very excited about your impending arrival into our family.

Well here is my first post of Mummy and Daddy - it's not a great photo - but is one of a very happy time we had in Bali - about this time last year, and yes we are drinking 'dirty-beer' - Bintang - the great beer of Bali! So the first photo of us is with drink in hand... The photo was taken in the bar of the hotel we stayed at, and is a good memory for us.

Now I am 'photo-happy' I will be able to post lots of photos of us and of your family.

Love you, thinking of you where-ever you are (about to be born I expect).

Mummy and Daddy xxx

Our Rocking Chair

2005-10-12T16:56:00.000+10:30

Hello Princess,

Here is a photo of the rocking chair for your room. This is a bit of a test really - to see if I can actually put a photo on here!

Mummy x

Baby steps...

2005-10-12T16:31:00.000+10:30

Hello baby girl,

Well Daddy and I have taken another small step toward you and this week we started the assessment process with the Social Worker from DoCS. This will be the bit (other than the waiting) that I will find stressful. The Social Worker will want to ask lots of questions about us, about what mine and Daddy's family was like growing up, what school was like, how we met, what our financial situation is like, why we want to adopt you, how we feel about having a baby from China and how we will look after you. It's a very intrusive process, and sometimes I feel a bit resentful that parents with birth children don't have to be asked the same questions - after all we have been through, we now have to open up our life to a complete stranger. I do however understand the importance of this, to make sure you will come into a loving and caring family who will be able to give you everything you need.

The first meeting went well, and Daddy and I both liked Alison the Social Worker, we felt very comfortable with her, and had a good laugh - she has a similar sense of humour. Next time we see Alison will be in 2 weeks and she will come to our house and have a look to make sure it is suitable for you. We think it will be OK - the only problem I can see is a pot-belly stove that we will have to block-off somehow so you don't burn your hands.

Daddy and I have also bought a couple of bits of clothing for you - things we saw and couldn't resist (like the 'Security' outfit and a T-shirt that says 'Beautiful Girl'), and this week I have made my first e-bay purchase - a rocking chair for your room, that we can use together.

I think about you all day, every day my sweetheart.

Love Mummy xxx

Have been thinking of you lots...

2005-09-20T10:10:00.000+10:30

Hello Precious Angel,

It has been a few months since I have written to you, but not one day has passed that I don’t think of you. It has been a very busy, interesting few months, and here we are in September.

Our progression with the Assessment phase has gone much slower than I last reported, for lots of reasons, some to do with work, some to do with moving house, and some to do with my travelling. Daddy and I have spent these months getting ready for you, becoming stronger as a couple, exploring how we want to be parents to you and making preparations for bringing you home.

We have moved into a great new house on 3 acres, with lots of animals, bulls, sheep, horses and of course Raf and Kenya. The house is beautiful in a quiet spot and lots of space for you to play. We have picked your room, and I am starting to look at furniture and clothes for you. I haven’t bought anything yet, and will probably wait a little while yet until I feel more confident in bringing you home.

We have not yet commenced our assessment with DoCS but expect this will start soon, we are waiting for the call, and really hoping we can complete our assessment quickly and get our file to the China Authorities in record time.

I used to think you were going to be born in May this year, but given the extension of the timeframes through this process I don’t now think you have been born yet. I do think you are growing in your birth Mummy’s tummy and I now believe you are going to be a Christmas baby, born in December. I can’t wait to see a photo of you, and hope we will see this mid next year. The path to you is seeming to take forever, but I know it will all be worth it when we look at your lovely face, and hold you for the first time.

Angel girl, we will get there eventually – and I can’t wait to welcome you into our family.

All my love,

Mummy xxx

Nearly there...

2005-04-07T10:47:00.000+10:30

Hello precious,

Well it has been 2 months since we sent our application to DoCS, and I couldn't wait any longer, so I sent them an e-mail yesterday to see where things were up to. This is what they said:

" Hello Lisa and Shane, all we are waiting for is a result to come for Lisa's
working with children check. I have just rung the department that handles
that and they are sending the result by fax today. It shouldn't be long till
you hear from us regarding the next stage in the process, the Home
Assessment. Have a great day."

So things are moving - not as quickly as I had hoped, but we are nearly at the next stage of the process - the assessment phase and working with the Social Worker.

I find it so hard to concentrate at work at the moment, thinking about you all the time, reading other people's stories about bringing their babies home from China. We will make friends with other mummies and daddies who have Chinese babies so you will grow up with lots of friends who have a similar experience to you.

It is April now, and the weather is getting colder, Daddy and I ordered all of our fire wood for the winter the other day, and I can't wait to light the fire. Raf and Kenya - our two puppy dogs - who will be your puppy dogs when you come home - are also feeling the cold, with Kenya spending a lot of time curled up against the warmth of Daddy's belly. Raf is like a big bear with lots of fur, and you will love him - he is very gentle and loving and will protect you like he does with Daddy, Kenya and I.

My hopes have now turned to getting a photo of you before Christmas so I can look at you and show your beautiful face to everyone, and you can be a part of our Christmas celebrations - I still think it will be early next year when we travel to China to meet you, but maybe the Social Worker can give us a better indication when we meet with them.

Love you,

Mummy xx

Hello my girl...

2005-03-30T18:08:00.000+10:30

It has been a while since I last wrote, but always know that I am thinking of you, and I know your Daddy is too. There is lots to tell you so here we go...

Well Daddy and I have nearly purchased a big block of land for us and you to live on, 200 acres in a little town not too far away, where we hope to build our dream home and make you a lovely room with a cot and toys and a beautiful garden to play in. There are kangaroos in the wild and a creek and lots of space - Daddy and I love it there and we think you will too. We hope to start building the house by the end of the year, and have it in time for bringing you home.

Our other news is that you have a cousin. Aidan Samuel was born a couple of weeks ago on March 11th and he is gorgeous. Aunty Debbie is doing well and it is wonderful to see her in her new role as a mother. Uncle Gordon is enjoying fatherhood again and Nan (Mumsie) is overjoyed at being a Grandma (but don't call her that - she doesn't like it!!). And I am loving being an aunty, and am getting lots of experience in changing nappies, burping and putting him down to sleep.

My other news is that I can see! I know that must sound funny, but your Mummy has had very bad eyesight for a long time, and I finally got up the courage (and the money) to get my eyes lasered so I don't need to wear glasses. I had the surgery yesterday and today I can see! I always wanted to get this done before we came to China to get you, so I didn't have to worry about glasses and contact lenses, and I could just concentrate on you. And while it was a bit uncomfortable it was nice to do something for myself after all the heartache of the last few years.

It has now been 2 months since we submitted our adoption application to DoCS and we thought we would've heard something from them by now, but we haven't. We will give them a call next week and see what is happening. I guess this is the hard part of the process - waiting. And this is only the start of it I am sure. The next step is to work with the Social Worker who will make sure we will make a good family - I am sure we will.

Daddy and I are guessing all the time where you are, and I think your 'Tummy Mummy' is about 8 months pregnant with you and you will be born in May - near your Daddy's birthday. My guess is that we will come to you in China in February next year - but it is only a guess and maybe this is something I do so I can focus. It has been nice watching Aunty Debbie through her pregnancy as I can now imagine how your Birth Mummy is looking and feeling - a lot of the time I wish I was with her and could kiss her tummy and talk to you, and let her know that you will be OK and very loved. I imagine her focus is very much on you now, and she may be feeling very sad as the time comes to give birth to you, I feel very sad for her too, but she will be someone who we will talk about a lot together, and we will remember her often. I already find myself thinking of her and wondering how she is doing. She will be a big part of both our lives - I promise.

Well my precious child - where-ever you are, my heart is there also. You are the last thing I think about before I sleep and the first thing when I wake up.

Love you,
Mummy (and Daddy) xxx

Conception day...

2005-02-15T17:23:00.000+11:00

Hello sweetheart,

I haven't written for a while - things have been very hectic with Daddy and I moving house, but we have great news - our adoption forms have been submitted to DoCS! Daddy and I decided this is our conception day, it's like we know you are coming, and now we have to wait. We sent our forms to DoCS on the 10th of February - such a milestone for us, all the months of collecting information, writing our life stories, and saving our money. But they're in, submitted, and someone right now is most likely reviewing them, pouring over all our personal details, and reading about our hopes and dreams to bring you home. My fingers are crossed that we will hear from them soon so we can keep moving in this process, and step by step will come closer to you.

Daddy and I often wonder whether you are born yet, and how your birth mum is doing, I look at Aunty Debbie's belly and wonder whether your birth mum looks the same, I think you will be born in May - near Nana's and Daddy's birthday, which means your birth mum will be about 6 months pregnant now. It is exciting and scary at the same time to think about this, I hope she is OK and looking after herself and you also.

My precious girl, just know that I dream of you at night and think of you all day long.

Love Mummy xx

Five years ago today...

2005-01-17T10:55:00.000+11:00

Hello baby girl,

Daddy and I thought it would be nice to share this day with you. Today we have been married for five years. Five wonderful years (with a couple of heartbreaking years thrown in). Today is Monday, also the same day that we were married five years ago. Daddy and I had such a small private wedding that no-one even knew we were getting married, we went on holidays to the Whitsunday Islands in Queensland, Australia and were married on Putney Beach - a secluded island beach - with just the two of us, the marriage celebrant, two witnesses and a guy who drove the car, took the photos, did the video and brought champagne.

It was such an amazingly special day, so private and personal and just beautiful. Daddy and I didn't really want for a big wedding, we just wanted to be married to each other. So we were, feet in the water, sun setting, sounds of the ocean and a soft breeze blowing. It was like a beautiful scene you would only read about in a book.

Daddy and I talked a lot about you yesterday (which was also my birthday!). We had breakfast with Mumsie (Nan), Aunty Debbie and Uncle Gordon, and had a really lovely morning. Daddy bought me my first 'mummy' present, a baby bag that I will use to put all your things in like your nappies and your bottles and your toys. It's the nicest present I have ever had.

Well my precious girl, we are thinking of you today as we remember our wedding day five years ago, and hope next year the three of us (or five if you count Raf and Kenya - I haven't told you about these two cheeky monkeys yet) will celebrate together.

All my love Mummy xx

The Invisible Red Thread...

2005-01-14T09:00:00.000+11:00

Time seems to be going so slowly, and I think it will only get worse as we get closer to meeting you. But Daddy and I are trying to keep busy, I am working hard at my new job, and Daddy and I have started moving things into our new house. I only have to travel 15 minutes to work now (which is a lot different from travelling 1 1/2 hours like I have been doing) and we live in a really pretty spot that has lots of country side and cows! The house is really pretty, and while your room is still empty at the moment, as things progress with our application to adopt you the room will fill up with all your things.

Daddy and I have been doing a lot of reading about China, and looking at the map to understand where different places are. We have bought you a great book with beautiful photographs of stunning sites and places to visit in China. It is probably something we will give you when you are older, but even now before we have even met you, we are thinking of how we can tell you about where you came from.

Aunty Debbie's baby is due soon and everyone is getting excited, this baby will be your first cousin, and my first niece or nephew (I think it is a niece!!). Aunty Debbie and I were talking the other day about when you come into our family that you will be very close in age to your cousin who will be 9 months at Christmas this year. We all can't wait to see you both playing together.

Daddy and I wonder whether you are born yet. This is interesting for us to think about and we really don't know if you are or not. But I found the Chinese Proverb of The Invisible Red Thread and I believe it is true...

"When a child is born, invisible red threads extend from the child's spirit and connect to all the significant people who will be part of the child's life. As the child grows the threads shorten, drawing closer those people who are destined to be together."

All my love,

Mummy xxx

Thinking of you...

2005-01-07T14:29:00.000+11:00

Hello my precious girl.

It has been a few days since I last wrote to you, but you are never far away from my thoughts. It is now 2005, the year we hope to bring you home. Daddy and I have been busy over Christmas visiting family and we spent Christmas night with your Mumsie (Nanna) and Aunty Debbie and Uncle Gordon, and we talked a lot about you. We wondered where you are, and talked about what your life might be like before we meet you, and how excited we all are that you are coming to us... one day.

Daddy and I have just about completed all the forms to submit for your adoption, and we will have them in to DoCS next week. Then we wait.

You have become such a big part of any decisions we are making already. We are selling our much loved house and moving interstate so we won't have to commute to work any more and we will be able to spend more time with you, and so we can buy another house on a big block of land so you will have lots of room to play. We have found a house that we will rent while we are looking for our dream house, and have picked which room will be yours. We made sure that there is a bath so we can bath you, and that the garden is safe for you to play in.

You constantly enter our conversations, and we just can't wait until you are here. Lots of our friends are hearing about you now, and everyone is happy for us, and can't wait to meet you.

Wherever you are my angel... my heart is yours.

Mummy (Lisa)

Christmastime...

2004-12-23T13:58:00.000+11:00

It's Christmas Day on Saturday - just a couple of days from now. For the last few years I have dreaded Christmas Day, actually the whole Christmas process. Every year that Christmas rolls around it is another year without a baby, without you - and Christmas is such a strong reminder of what we don't have in our lives, and what we want so much.

I will be sad this Christmas again - for all the babies that Daddy and I nearly had and that aren't with us, but moreso this year that you aren't with us. I have bought a Christmas bauble that is just for you, and every time I look at it on Christmas Day I know you are not far away, and that this time next year you may be with us.

Daddy and I have nearly finshed the forms that will go to DoCS - our application to adopt you. It has taken us a long time to get them organised, we had to get finger-prints and police checks and health checks completed, but we are nearly there, and we will spend our time over Christmas getting everything finished so we can send it all off in the New Year. Then we are on the road to meet you.

The day we send off our forms we will celebrate - this is your conception - this is where our relationship with China and with you begins.

Where-ever you are right now my angel - you fill my heart.

Mummy (Lisa)

This is for you...

2004-12-20T15:36:00.000+11:00

... my baby girl who is still somewhere over the rainbow. My dream and my wish is that you will one day read this and it will form a part of your early life story and will help you to understand why your mummy and daddy in Australia travelled to China to find you.

We don't know who you are yet, or what you look like, you may not even be born yet, but we think about you every day and we already love you. We know we won't meet you for many months and as Christmas approaches this year there is again a sadness that you won't be with us... but also a hope that this time next year you will be in our lives and we will be in yours.

We know you are out there and you will have a rough ride ahead of you, your early days will not be like most babies, but I also know when we find each other, you will find a love like you never imagined. Until that day, I will talk to you here as often as I can, and we can begin the story of the rainbow now.

Mummy (Lisa) xx