Christmastime...

It's Christmas Day on Saturday - just a couple of days from now. For the last few years I have dreaded Christmas Day, actually the whole Christmas process. Every year that Christmas rolls around it is another year without a baby, without you - and Christmas is such a strong reminder of what we don't have in our lives, and what we want so much.

I will be sad this Christmas again - for all the babies that Daddy and I nearly had and that aren't with us, but moreso this year that you aren't with us. I have bought a Christmas bauble that is just for you, and every time I look at it on Christmas Day I know you are not far away, and that this time next year you may be with us.

Daddy and I have nearly finshed the forms that will go to DoCS - our application to adopt you. It has taken us a long time to get them organised, we had to get finger-prints and police checks and health checks completed, but we are nearly there, and we will spend our time over Christmas getting everything finished so we can send it all off in the New Year. Then we are on the road to meet you.

The day we send off our forms we will celebrate - this is your conception - this is where our relationship with China and with you begins.

Where-ever you are right now my angel - you fill my heart.

Mummy (Lisa)

This is for you...

... my baby girl who is still somewhere over the rainbow. My dream and my wish is that you will one day read this and it will form a part of your early life story and will help you to understand why your mummy and daddy in Australia travelled to China to find you.

We don't know who you are yet, or what you look like, you may not even be born yet, but we think about you every day and we already love you. We know we won't meet you for many months and as Christmas approaches this year there is again a sadness that you won't be with us... but also a hope that this time next year you will be in our lives and we will be in yours.

We know you are out there and you will have a rough ride ahead of you, your early days will not be like most babies, but I also know when we find each other, you will find a love like you never imagined. Until that day, I will talk to you here as often as I can, and we can begin the story of the rainbow now.

Mummy (Lisa) xx